Toddlers Sensitivity to change

Toddlers can be sensitive to change

which exhibits as anxiety, crying, temper tantrums or other signs of complete melt-down on the part of the child. Try to be sensitive about what your child is trying to convey instead of getting distressed or angry that a melt-down is occurring.

Children like routines. What may be boring to you is reassuring them. They live in a world where everyone is larger and their communication skills are limited. They find comfort and safety in consistency.

Around the time of the "terrible 2s," toddlers are also typically going through an "I'll-do-it-myself" phase and they may react negatively when things happen and decisions are made without their involvement - especially if it disturbs their routine.

Some children are more sensitive to change than others but you shouldn't try and protect your toddler from change, as it's unavoidable. Do try to help him or her deal with change in ways that are age-appropriate.

• Discuss with the child in advance any changes you are planning on making that will affect the child and the child's routine. For example, if you are planning on painting, talk about it in advance. If you are painting the child's bedroom, consider giving the child some input on color and decorations. Talk about the pending change and remind the child, giving them time frames they can understand. "We're having lunch early today because we're going to pick Grandma up at the airport when you finish eating." "When you wake up in the morning, the painters will be here and you can watch them."
• Let the child participate when appropriate. Children love to help. Even adults accept change better when they feel they have been involved in the change process.

Take into consideration what is appropriate for a child of this age and try and give the child choices instead of asking open-ended questions. Instead of asking "what color would you like to paint your room?" - give him or her a choice between two or three colors that you would find acceptable. It allows the child to be involved. You want to avoid asking questions or giving options in a way that may result in an answer you don't want. For example, what happens if you say "Do you want to pick up Grandma at the airport today?" - and the child says "NO?" Obviously, you have to pick up Grandma and unless you are able to leave the child with someone while you do that, he or she will feel that what they want doesn't matter, even though you asked them. It puts the adult in a dilemma and marginalizes the child. 

Try to remember to present the child with choices instead:

• Do you want green or blue?
• Do you want to sit in the front or the back?
• Which pair of shoes do you like - this one or this one?
• Which shirt would you like to wear - the yellow or the green?

Your child should outgrow this phase. Extreme, persistent resistance to change can be an early indicator of autism spectrum disorder. Other signs and symptoms may include delayed speech, attachment to one particular toy or object, unresponsiveness to others and poor eye contact. Be patient, make sure you are being consistent and presenting appropriate options when changes loom. If problems persist, you may want to discuss it with the pediatrician at your child's next routine checkup.