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Toddler Temper Tantrums

 There are few things quite as embarrassing as being out in public with your toddler when he or she decides to throw a right-royal temper tantrum. Just remind yourself - almost everyone who witnesses the temper tantrum will have been in a similar situation with their own children or will one day be in a similar situation. It's all part of raising children and most people understand - so try not to let to let it faze you when it happens.

There are a lot of reasons why a toddler may throw a temper tantrum. In many cases, it's because they're hungry and/or tired and things that don't normally upset them will send them into a tailspin. The temper tantrum is just an expression of frustration with a physical (hunger, fatigue), mental (difficulty learning or performing a task) or emotional situation.

And, quite frankly, tantrums are sometimes nothing more than a repetition of a technique that has worked favorably in the past to get the child what he or she wanted. They may be small and unable to communicate well, but children are not stupid. If a temper tantrum resulted in "no" becoming "yes," that information will be remembered and the next time you say "no," past experience will be drawn upon in an attempt to change your mind. The more times you give in, the more it reinforces the child's experience that a temper tantrum = success!

A word for parents: you may be tired and hungry, too! Sometimes you think it's easier to just give in. However, you need to remember that children want consistency from you. Being consistent in your parenting is probably one of the most important lessons you'll learn and probably the hardest thing to do. If you told your toddler that you are not buying toys when you go grocery shopping, then don't.

How to avoid temper tantrums in the first place

Be consistent. We cannot emphasize this enough. It is the foundation of parenting.

Plan ahead. If you have to take a child with you to run errands, try to do them at a time of day when the child usually has the best attitude and mood and isn't likely to be tired, hungry and therefore grumpy and demanding.

Encourage your child to use words. Temper tantrums are a communication in response to an inability to convey frustration. Get your child to talk to you in a normal tone of voice. Make it clear that you will not listen to whining and crying.

Let your child make choices. It's important to involve the child in some of the decision making when appropriate. It gives them a sense of control. Compliment the child on his or her choices and for using words.

Praise good behavior. Children need positive reinforcement - you cannot just ignore the good behavior and punish the bad. They will equate bad behavior with attention and if that's the only attention they get from you, they will use it.

Use distraction. If you sense a tantrum about to break forth, attempt to distract the child to head off a tantrum. It may help to touch or hold them.

Avoid situations likely to trigger a tantrum. Steer clear of "Temptation Island" at the checkout. One good technique is to buddy up with a friend or your spouse when shopping and have one adult take the children out to the front of the store, bypassing the displays, while the other one checks out. Otherwise, it's darn near impossible to get away from leading a child right past the goodies put there specifically for the purpose of tempting children.

How to deal with temper tantrums

At home or in public, the best response to a temper tantrum is - ignore it. If you are out in public, don't hesitate to leave the situation if the tantrum escalates or your child in danger of hurting him- or herself. At home, discuss with your child (once calm) what type of behavior you would have preferred. Above all, YOU must stay calm. Responding to a temper tantrum with anger or shouting will only likely escalate the child's behavior

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